Even we copy editors make mistakes in our own writing (writing and editing are two very different processes), so we need to be careful about making fun of simple typos. But some mistakes change a sentence's meaning in a particularly funny way, and some of those make their way out into very public places without getting caught. I've been collecting these for several years.

• "Cash prizes for sexist lingerie."
  —online ad on the site of a Kansas university newspaper, for a "pajama party" at a local bar
  
  
• "WORRIERS"
  —grafitti covering the play equipment at an Albany playground
  
  
• "No postage necessary if mailed in the Untied States."
  —the warranty card for my Electrolux HEPA vacuum cleaner
  
  
• "The community is becoming a magnate for families who value education and teachers who want to teach motivated students."
  —web site of a city in Michigan, talking about the Kalamazoo Promise.
  
  
• "Five out of the seven members of our board of directors are required to be 'prescient' for a board meeting to be official."
  —from LiveJournal user "antieuclid," who adds "That would really come in handy when we were doing the budget." Via Rose.
  
  
• "It is the true story of a woman from a wealthy Danish family. She makes the mistake of having pre-martial sex (around 1910) with her Swedish cousin & fiance Baron Hans Blixen."
  —from a Netflix user review of Out of Africa, spotted by Beth Comegys. (To quote Beth: "Ah, pre-martial sex . . . Now, would that be before your partner goes off to pick a fight or is that sex on February 28th?")
  
  
• "Mr. Peter G. Robinson,V.P. and COO, U or R Medical Center"
  —from a board of trustees listing. (I'm not sure, but I'm thinking it matters whether it's "U"or "R" if you're going to a hospital for it.)
  
  
• "Thy name, O'Yahweh, will endure for ever."
  —T-shirt my partner saw in line at the Hannaford supermarket in Delmar, NY. (You know, the O'Yahwehs. They live between the O'Tooles and the O'Marymotherofgods.)
  
  
• "He also said the board wasn't required to base its decision on studies, expert testimony or other imperial evidence."
  —From an Aug. 10, 2006, story in a Cedar Valley, Iowa, newspaper on a permit decision regarding a nude dancing establishment. (Some copy editor had a bad night. Or maybe he or she was making commentary about how undemocratic the board chair's position is?)
  
  
• " 'What Democracy Looks Like' (47 minutes) by film maker Chun Pan, a documentary about the antiwar protest in Washington, D.C. on September 24-26, 2005. An inciteful look at democracy in action."
  —from a local activist calendar. (To be quite fair, it's possible they actually meant that. But then again, it's quite possible they didn't.)
  
  
• "offer: ride on construction truck" and "offer: 3 tags still on regular sized stockings"
  —Ah, the underrated hyphen. Its use is not merely to bewilder novice copy editors. These confusing offers both came from my local Freecycle list. For those unsure about what was actually meant, that would be a "ride-on construction truck" (kid's toy) and "3 tags-still-on regular-sized stockings."
  
  
• "So sorry for the incontinence and confusion."
  —an e-mail message from the owner of a company responding to some serious complaints from a large client. AND
  "I apologies for any incontinence this has caused."
  —another e-mail message from an entirely unrelated company to an important government agency.
  (Companies anonymous to protect my sources.)
  
  
• "In the Indonesian island of Java, a huge polio vaccination campaign has begun - nearly six and a half children under the age of five will be vaccinated in an attempt to stop the current polio outbreak that has hit the area."
  —Medical News Today, 5/31/05. (Yes, the missing word was "million.")
  
  
• "Please take a moment to sign the below online petition for Russell 'Maroon' Shoats, a Pennsylvania conscious prisoner. . ."
  —e-mail forward. (If it's so rare to have a conscious prisoner, he may not be the one we need to worry about...)
  
  
• "The Power Generating Facility, fueled by clean burning natural gas, will produce nominally 505MW of electricity."
  —press release from Besicorp regarding a plant they are planning in Rensselaer, NY. (So "nominally" it's electricity, huh? Those of us living in the vicinity wouldn't mind knowing what it will actually be.)
  
  
• "Our Olive Virgin Oil is handcrafted in the Nunez de Prado family mill in Spain."
  —DHC Skincare catalog. (This doesn't quite count because it's apparently intentional. The name of this product, even though it actually is virgin olive oil, really is "olive virgin oil." Of course, at $38 for a tiny spritz bottle, maybe it is made from virgins.)
  
  
• "The selection of Larry Kudlow is sure to please all who understand what this choice says about the governor's commitment to tax real reform."
  —press release from the National Federation of Independent Business, repsonding to Gov. Pataki's 2005 State of the State Address. (Anyone who follows New York state politics knows this is, well, particularly funny. It also stayed like this for months on NFIB's website.)
  
  
• Before Judge Breslin: Murder trail of Joel Scott commences.
  —press release from the Albany County DA's office. (You'd think if they knew this was going to happen ahead of time, it could be prevented. . .)
  
  
• "Exciting event hosed by student group!"
  —e-mail subject line. (Those darn students, always messing stuff up.)
  
  
• "The community police council is compromised of neighborhood representatives."
  —Brochure from the police department of a certain capital city. (See this article for why this is even more ironic.)
  
  
• "All our products are cruely free."
  —press kit from a spa.
  
  
• "Large city property on quiet dead-end street, convienent to hospitals, highway and places of workship."
  —Realtor e-mail message. (Because that's what our jobs are in this country, after all.)
  
  
• "DASA [the Dignity in All Schools Act] also designates the principal as the person responsible for enforcing its provisions in each school and to whom incidents of harrassment on school premises should be made."
  —press release from the Empire State Pride Agenda. (If principals were harassed more often, and students less, that might be a good trade, really.)
  
  
• "A longtime opponent of youth development, the City Department of Youth and Family services..."
  —three consecutive memos from the department, requesting press coverage.
  
  
• From a press release for a dinner-theater production about midlife crisis: The main character, after her husband replaces her with a younger woman, "wins a tidy divorce settlement, reinvents her body and begins a new chapter with Dirk, a handsome viral stud." (This is what high-school health class was supposed to prevent, no?)
  
  
• "As the old saying goes, 'Reading if Fundamental.' "
  —an e-mail announcement for a literacy event.
  
  
• "$4 Million Medical Malpractice Jury Verdict failure to diagnose umbilical cored compression during labor"
  —Subway advertisement for Fitzgerald & Fitzgerald. (You'd think with all the money personal-injury lawyers make, they could afford punctuation. But I'll admit, having your umbilical "cored" sounds scary.)
  
  
• "My appoligies to all who read this work for I am sure there are mistakes of various kinds and are not mad intentionally."
  —from the introduction to The Descendents of Henry and Phoebe (Feathers) Cullers.
  
  
• "I only need three more curses, and then I get my degree..."
  —Student testimonial in a brochure for Pace University's masters degree in publishing.
  
  
• “…activists from all over the world will be traveling to palestine to bare witness…”
  —e-mail announcement, 6/14/02.
  
  
• "Read the Guidelines carefully. Only applications, which clearly meet the guidelines, will be accepted."
  —request for proposals from a major funder who will go unnamed. (I suppose all those non-applications must get burdensome.)
  

Special Category: Use of quotation marks for emphasis.

• Our Pageant Tees Carry A Timely Message. Share It By Wearing "Yours" Proudly.
  —Website of the Mrs. Mature America pageant. (The T-shirt will never really be yours. Wa ha ha ha ha.)
  
  
• "Thank You" for participating in our poetry slam.
  (The subtle way to say your writing needs work?)
  
  
• Come in and warm up with some "H"ot Soup
  —Handwritten sign on the door a cafe in the Maplewood, NJ, train station. (??????!)
  
  
• Soup of the day: gazpacho "cold"
  —Reuben's Empandas lunch stand on Wall Street. (Gazpacho luke warm? Usually quotation marks are mistakenly used for emphasis, but here they actually seem to be replacing parentheses.)
  
  
• I am married with a daughter & "son"-in-law
  —from the introduction to The Descendents of Henry and Phoebe (Feathers) Cullers. (Gender bending in the family?)
  
  
• We will be closed on December 25th in observation of "Christmas Day."
  —on the door of a Washington Heights credit union. (Closet pagans?)
  
  
• I "sell" houses
  —real estate broker ad, Metropark NJ Transit station, 2001. (Are you sure you want to advertise that where the police can see it?)
  
  
• We serve the "best" coffe
  —diner at 181st and Ft. Washington, New York City. (I suppose they just might have the best coffe. They don't have many competitors.)
  
  
• We do it "All" from A to Z
  —On the side of a construction van.

I was not the first to think of collecting these. For scads more, check out the Gallery of "Misused" Quotation Marks.